USED CAR FIGHT CLUB

Top Gear-ish Online Magazine • June 2004 • Dial-up Friendly*

1982 Holden Camira JB vs 1996 Mitsubishi TJ Magna

One was Australia's future. The other survived long enough to become Australia's past.

Remember the early 1980s? People thought we'd have moon bases, robot servants and flying cars by the year 2000. Instead we got reality TV, Facebook and the Holden Camira.

"Some people say the Camira was ahead of its time. Unfortunately, its reliability was behind several centuries."
— Jeremy Clarkson (probably)

The Camira was General Motors' grand vision for Australian motoring. It was front-wheel drive, modern, advanced and packed with innovative engineering. Which is another way of saying it was completely unprepared for being owned by actual human beings.

ROUND ONE: LOOKS

1982 Holden Camira JB

From a distance the Camira doesn't actually look that bad. Back in 1982 it appeared sleek, European and sophisticated. Today it resembles a photocopy of a Vauxhall Cavalier left out in the rain for 40 years.

"It's got all the visual excitement of an accountant's briefcase."
— Clarkson

Every angle suggests speed. Every mechanical component suggests otherwise.

1996 Mitsubishi TJ Magna

The Magna is so anonymous that if you parked one in your driveway, you'd come home later and ask who left a Magna in your driveway.

It wasn't styled. It was merely approved.

"It's not ugly. It's just committed itself fully to being utterly forgettable."
— Clarkson

ROUND TWO: PERFORMANCE

Camira

The Camira's four-cylinder engine generates a modest amount of forward momentum. Press the accelerator and the car begins considering your request.

Five seconds later it forms a committee. Three seconds after that it schedules an action plan. Then eventually, with enough encouragement, it may accelerate.

"0–100 km/h takes so long that by the time you've arrived, your warranty has expired."
— Clarkson

Overtaking requires courage, determination and occasionally a tailwind.

Magna

The Magna V6 changed everything. Suddenly Australian families could join motorway traffic without first updating their wills.

The V6 is smooth, eager and surprisingly brisk. Not sports-car brisk. More 'large Labrador chasing a tennis ball' brisk.

"Compared with the Camira, this feels less like a car and more like witchcraft."
— Clarkson

ROUND THREE: BUILD QUALITY

Camira

This is where things become genuinely fascinating.

Camira reliability stories are now part of Australian folklore. Owners would wake up every morning wondering what new and exciting fault the car had developed overnight.

"The Camira wasn't assembled so much as loosely supervised."
— Clarkson

Legend says some Camiras developed faults while still being unloaded from the transporter.

Magna

Meanwhile the Magna operates on a completely different principle:

Actually finishing the job.

These things refuse to die. Ignore servicing. Forget maintenance. Use cheap petrol. Miss oil changes. The Magna simply shrugs and keeps driving.

"If nuclear winter comes, you'll find three surviving species: cockroaches, Nokia 3310s and V6 Magnas."
— Clarkson

ROUND FOUR: INTERIOR

Camira

The dashboard appears to have been moulded from recycled Tupperware. The seats are less supportive than an unsympathetic school counsellor.

Everything creaks. Everything flexes. Everything feels temporary.

"I've sat on more comfortable garden furniture."
— Clarkson

Magna

The Magna interior is vast. The rear seats have enough room for three adults, four children and a medium-sized suburban grievance.

The boot appears capable of swallowing:

ROAD TRIP TEST

You're driving from Melbourne to Sydney. Which car do you choose?

Camira Packing List

Magna Packing List

OWNER'S CLUB

Camira Owner:
"The passenger door only works on Tuesdays."

Magna Owner:
"Yeah it's done 370,000 km. Still goes alright."

VERDICT

The Holden Camira deserves respect. Not because it was good. Because it taught Australia an important lesson:

Never confuse technology with competence.

The Magna, meanwhile, is one of the unsung heroes of Australian motoring. Nobody dreamed about owning one. Nobody put posters of one on their bedroom wall.

But unlike the Camira, it usually made it home.

"The Camira was Australia's attempt at building the future. The Magna was Australia's apology letter."
— Clarkson

FINAL SCORES

1982 Holden Camira JB
⭐⭐☆☆☆
Pros: Historical curiosity, makes every other car feel brilliant.
Cons: Yes.

1996 Mitsubishi TJ Magna
⭐⭐⭐⭐☆
Pros: Comfortable, powerful, reliable, generally arrives at destination.
Cons: Styled by a committee that feared excitement.